Tis the season, to rock your old favorites or to buy a new pair of shades, but as we pull out the old, or purchase the new… let us remember some simple sunglass etiquette.
First off – Sunglasses: get a pair. They protect your eyes, and between the computers, TV, reading and whatever else… we have to take good care of them. Bright eyes are a key to looking younger, and we only get one pair.
Tips
- Please pick sunglasses that fit your personality. Sunglasses should be an extension of who you are, NOT a mask.
- Please pick sunglasses that fit your face. If you love wearing big sunglasses, make sure you have strong features to balance out the large frame. If your features are petite… and your glasses are expansive, you WILL look like a bug. bzzzzzzz
- Make sure glasses and clothes are in the same decade. I know big glasses are back in… but you may only wear true 80’s glasses if you are wearing a true 80’s outfit (more power to you.) If you insist on wearing what you will try to pass off as “throwbacks” you will look like you’ve been playing dress up in your momma’s closet again.
Sunglasses are permissible…
- When it is sunny.
- When there is no direct sunlight, but it is still bright as hell.
- If you forgot to put on, or ran out of, eye cream. (I recommend philosophy: hope in a tube.)
- When you do not want anyone to see that you have been crying.
- If you are hiding the signs from that not-so-loving relationship (Step 1 – Put on dark glasses. Step 2 – Pray for deliverance. Youfeelme?)
- As an accessory to formal wear. HOWEVER, be warned: this is not easy to pull off… there is a fine line between fly and ‘wtf?’ The sunglasses and suit look is not for everybody, and if you aren’t sure if you can pull it off… chances are, you can’t.
- During a College Walk of Shame. Usually taken between the hours of 4 and 8 am on Saturdays and Sundays. Wearing sunglasses during this time sends signals to others that you are recovering, searching for your dignity, and probably have NOT showered.
You may not wear sunglasses…
- If it is raining. Sunglasses and an umbrella??… that is dumbassness.
- When you are in the pool. They sell tinted goggles if you are in need of some 'supreme pool fashion'...
- If you are indoors, for more than 30 paces or 1 minute, whichever comes first.
- When trying to throw some serious shade. Man-up, take off the damn sunglasses and have a face off. Letsbereal.
- If you are attempting to feel important, or would like others to see you as such. That is WACK.
- When you are wearing real glasses underneath!!! You have a choice: prescription, or panache. Otherwise, get contacts.
- In church… I know, Jesus is the light, but damn!
- At a funeral. Unless you are the Rich B!tch Widow, the Mistress, or the Secret Gay Lover… leave the shades at home.
These are just a few tame guidelines… just my opinions of course. You don’t have to follow these rules… but if you do not, you will be alone… and lonely… forever.
Feel free to leave your own opinions, tips and guidelines..
First off – Sunglasses: get a pair. They protect your eyes, and between the computers, TV, reading and whatever else… we have to take good care of them. Bright eyes are a key to looking younger, and we only get one pair.
Tips
- Please pick sunglasses that fit your personality. Sunglasses should be an extension of who you are, NOT a mask.
- Please pick sunglasses that fit your face. If you love wearing big sunglasses, make sure you have strong features to balance out the large frame. If your features are petite… and your glasses are expansive, you WILL look like a bug. bzzzzzzz
- Make sure glasses and clothes are in the same decade. I know big glasses are back in… but you may only wear true 80’s glasses if you are wearing a true 80’s outfit (more power to you.) If you insist on wearing what you will try to pass off as “throwbacks” you will look like you’ve been playing dress up in your momma’s closet again.
Sunglasses are permissible…
- When it is sunny.
- When there is no direct sunlight, but it is still bright as hell.
- If you forgot to put on, or ran out of, eye cream. (I recommend philosophy: hope in a tube.)
- When you do not want anyone to see that you have been crying.
- If you are hiding the signs from that not-so-loving relationship (Step 1 – Put on dark glasses. Step 2 – Pray for deliverance. Youfeelme?)
- As an accessory to formal wear. HOWEVER, be warned: this is not easy to pull off… there is a fine line between fly and ‘wtf?’ The sunglasses and suit look is not for everybody, and if you aren’t sure if you can pull it off… chances are, you can’t.
- During a College Walk of Shame. Usually taken between the hours of 4 and 8 am on Saturdays and Sundays. Wearing sunglasses during this time sends signals to others that you are recovering, searching for your dignity, and probably have NOT showered.
You may not wear sunglasses…
- If it is raining. Sunglasses and an umbrella??… that is dumbassness.
- When you are in the pool. They sell tinted goggles if you are in need of some 'supreme pool fashion'...
- If you are indoors, for more than 30 paces or 1 minute, whichever comes first.
- When trying to throw some serious shade. Man-up, take off the damn sunglasses and have a face off. Letsbereal.
- If you are attempting to feel important, or would like others to see you as such. That is WACK.
- When you are wearing real glasses underneath!!! You have a choice: prescription, or panache. Otherwise, get contacts.
- In church… I know, Jesus is the light, but damn!
- At a funeral. Unless you are the Rich B!tch Widow, the Mistress, or the Secret Gay Lover… leave the shades at home.
These are just a few tame guidelines… just my opinions of course. You don’t have to follow these rules… but if you do not, you will be alone… and lonely… forever.
Feel free to leave your own opinions, tips and guidelines..
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