Half Naked

(Originaly Posted to Facebook - March 14, 2008)

Warmer days are here… and to the delight of most, there is considerably more skin showing. But let us remember some key things when dressing to impress for some fun under the sun… 

SKIN.
Sun is good, you know… Vitamin D and shit. But do moisturize and wear sunblock , black don’t crack, and we rarely burn… but we will fry, please believe it. Also, don’t be ashamed to lay out in the sun… especially if you is light n’ bright. Hell I do it, I’ll be damned if I let some sun enthusiast with less melanin catch up to me! A little summer color never hurt anybody… cept Wesley Snipes… So unless you are he, “Say yes to sun.”

BODY.
Since the body is the dwelling of the divine inside us all… please make sure your body is right. (W&M: The rec center is free with tuition, so you have no excuse.) Before you put on that tank top, halter top, muscle shirt, baby tee, tight skirt, or white linen outfit for the cookout, please make sure your body is in check. “If it is form fitting… make you have the form to fit it.”

CLOTHES.
Along the same lines… wear clothes your size folks… be proud of your bodies… we are past they age of buying things we’ll “grow in to,” and we should know when something is looking a lil’ young (‘too small’ for those not familiar). Men… your shorts should not look like wide leg clam diggers. Shorts should not be able to converse with your ankles. If your legs are scrawny, pants may just have to be your only friend right now, just make a note to spend some time on the lower hemisphere next time you hit the gym. Ladies, don’t just buy anything ole’ summer clothing, there is a lot of 'crap’ out there. Just cause someone cut it up does not mean it is flattering or right for your body… Watch out for clothes that do not make sense, people will sell you anything. And don’t get caught up in a sale, just cause they are selling it does not mean it is the time to wear that cashmere sweater – that is dumbassness. And to avoid other dumbassness: longsleeves and shorts should NEVER go together. Don’t forget it. 

SHOES.
It’s the season of sandals, and people love to wear them. Get a pair and let the feet breath after a long winter. Get you some thongs, cute dress sandals, or even some Birks if you feel supremely assimilated, but just remember “divas don’t wear tevas.” Furthermore, socks and sandals are ONLY allowed if you are an in-season athlete who has JUST come off the court or field. Remember that Tims and Uggs should get put away for the summer, I feel like that's common sense, but if I didn’t say it, I’d see it… and then I would have to call somebody out. 

For those wondering when it’s ok to wear sandals? Follow this rule: If you need a jacket… you should not be wearing sandals! You look will look like a dumbass in a northface with some rainbows on. Lets be smart people. 

Lastly… but most importantly people, make sure your feets is right… Do not slip on sandals, just on a whim if you have not summer-ized your feet. If you know you have an issue, grease them suckers at night and sleep in some socks! It will make all the difference. Do not be stepping out with ash and crust all over the heels and toes. If your toe knuckles are ashier than your elbows, and I have seen this, you are sending signals that you – are – an unkempt slob, with poor hygiene… need I go on? Ladies I know you would not step out with them ‘winter legs’ – same goes for them winter feet. And fellas, clip your tonenails please. If I seem one mo,’ with unclipped ashy crust busters… Men, we need to do better. Do not neglect the feets. Just as bad shoes can ruin an outfit, so can bad feets. 

Take heed of the word. And remember I will be watching you from behind my sunglasses...